How it all began: A break-up: This one was 3 years in. Definitely one of the worst feelings in the world, Or maybe it’s a good thing?! Either way it hurts to realize that someone who you’ve grown to love and care about is no longer going to be in your life. Last time I experienced it I told myself I was never going to let this happen or feel this way again. I cried for days.. I cried in the car, at work and to whoever was in my path. It all came down on me at once. I was going through a breakup, I had to move out, find a new place to live and suffer through that awkward phase when you still have to live with your Ex , but you are no longer together. I didn’t do well with it, my Ex began talking to other women immediately and I could hear it, he wouldn’t come home at night and I was in my head about him sleeping with other women while I was still living in his house. I made the decision to leave all my things, pack a couple bags and live with friends and family until I could find a new living situation. It took about a month for me to find a house, get my offer excepted and close so I just lived out of a few bags for the month. I started my new journey, starting over, a single mom and almost 40 years old.
Self-Discovery and Self-Love
To me a breakup signifies a pretty major Fail and Self-exploration was the first step I took to figuring out how I could stop the cycle. I had to ask myself: Why do my relationships keep failing? and what parts of me can I change so stop this cycle from continuing? I had to do allot of inner reflecting on what my part was in the breakups. I had been in several relationships at this point in my life and I hadn’t figured it out yet, so I had to go deeper… Wayyy deeper and ask myself allot of questions such as: What have you learned from the relationships? What have you done to learn about relationships or how to make them work? What do men want from a relationship? What do men want in a woman? How can I learn to communicate better? What qualities, morals, standards and values do I require from a man? What things do I enjoy doing that I want my partner to do with me? Who am I anyway? What do I like to do without any regard to anyone else? What do I enjoy doing? What makes me happy? What makes me.. Me?  I just had allot of questions for myself and basically needed to get my questions answered and educate myself on dating and relationships and this all takes time. I wasn’t sure how much time, maybe a year maybe 5, 10? Trust me I had to learn some hard lessons while dating, I literally had to educate myself on Dating and Men, I had never been single before really. I made a couple different notebooks full of notes about myself, and notes I took while I was reading articles, watching videos and etc…
Deciding to Break the Cycle:
One thing I had never tried was just staying single. I had always been a woman who jumps from relationship to relationship without putting any time in-between. I never stopped to self-reflect or to spend any time alone. I had the mindset that that person just wasn’t right for me and that’s why it didn’t work out. I made the decision to Quit jumping from relationship to relationship and focus on myself for once in my life. I decided to spend time with myself and settle in with the fact that I am going to live in a season of being single and focus on myself and my feelings. I was going to do me for a while this time. I sat in my living room and decided to make a list of things I enjoy doing. I definitely recommend doing this step if you are new to being alone/ single! Some of the things on my list are reading, taking a bath, baking, walking, riding my bike. I set small goals for myself to push myself out of my comfort zone and start doing things alone such as sitting in a coffee shop alone or going out to eat by myself. I had never dreamed of ever having to do it and it was very awkward and I felt embarrassed at first. More about this later.
Choosing You!!
Ladies! I cannot stress this enough! Choose you! Stop obsessing over a man wanting you or jumping back into another relationship! If you were like the old me you need to take a break from men and just focus on yourself a while and I’ll tell you why.. If you don’t know yourself, what you want, how you want to feel and be able to answer questions about yourself your dates are not going to go well. If you don’t know yourself… Like really know yourself. Someone else cannot get to know you and who you are on a deeper level. Maybe this sounds dumb that you are you and you may not know yourself but if you haven’t done a deep dive into you and why you think the way you do and want what you want you might not be in touch with your inner self. Making the list of things you enjoy is a good start. I recommend making a Vision Board. It doesnt have to be a board with cut out pictures or anything but a sheet of paper where you invision things you want in your future and don’t hold back! Describe everything you want: A husband that is xyz, a home in xyz, a wedding in xyz… etc.. Envision it is yours, feel it is yours and it is going to happen and just focus on it!
